Beam Me Up Scotty, There Are Klingons Down Here
by Bucky LaFontaine
Summary: sequel to: These Shoes My Huntress Wears


BEAM ME UP THERE ARE KLINGONS DOWN HERE.

Sequel to: These Shoes My Huntress Wears

(Only because I was asked to.)

I took my place next the connecting wall, when the delivery boy knocked. I heard the usual, banter from my huntress as she took the box containing her outfit for the evening. I heard her move over to the bed and drop the package on it. Then I could envision the pacing before she gave into her curiousity and finally opened the box.

One- Two- Three and Four.

"What. The. Hell."

There was much rustling as she removed the garment parts from the boxes, the leather of the outfit creaking and the tissue paper crinkling. The boots hit the floor with a resounding thud.

Her phone rang. "What?"

I knew that Spock and Geordi must have received their garments too. The conversation was pretty much as I envisioned it, in fact it was almost like I was Superman and could see through the walls. I could here the floorboards as she paced, it was "Geordi" no doubt giving her a blow by blow description of the packages both he and "Mr. Spock" had opened.

"Settle down, Broots. NOW! Fine you and Spock go. No. I'm not planning on…. Freud, there is no way in hell I'm wearing this. I understand you feel the need to be close to the freaks at the show, but I don't. I don't care if he's going as Captain Kirk I'm not wearing this. Yes, I'm sure you do think he has a reason for this."

The next sound was that of the cell phone hitting the wall. I smiled. Yes. This was going to be a good night. I knew when Sydney heard Broots pleading with her he took the phone, just as I know my huntress will be the Klingon Princess tonight. Sydney knows her as well as I do. He knows the buttons it takes to make her dance to the Centre's tune, when I'm the one calling the dance.

The convention was held in a large conference center, vendors and booths were set up everywhere. There were long tables with the actors signing pictures of them in their character's costumes. People in lines to purchase everything from phasers to signed tee-shirts with the starship Enterprise on.

It was a sight to behold, if I didn't know better, I would have thought I was beamed to another time and place, what is that called, yes. "transported". I never knew Star Trek had so many aliens before, a nearly naked green lady rubbed against me telling me she liked it rough, and that she was well equipped to handle Klingon mating rituals.

I stopped by the book booth and bought a copy of "Star Trek Encyclopedia" to acquaint myself with Klingon mythology. If I'm going to take my chances with a Klingon Warrior princess than I better know more than that movie showed, because there was nothing in it about a mating ritual.

Well, that was interesting reading. Not much in it, but enough to keep things from getting boring. I doubt Miss Parker is into Star Trek enough to know much about the Klingon way of anything. I went into a viewing booth to watch an episode of The Next Generation when Worf and the Emissary had their version of the mating ritual.

I'm summing up all that I know about Klingons to get to Parker: Honor is everything, they do not whisper, they stand close. I love it. As for the mating thing, I don't think the convention has a working holodeck, so I can improvise on that one.

I look around waiting on them. There are so many pointed ears, visors and Klingons that finding them in this huge arena will take a while. Unless, yes, there they are at the refreshment court, Parker is probably pissed at not finding real bloodwine. Broots is sampling something that looks like dead worms. Sydney is studying his companions. I have to wonder if he ever watched Star Trek. He just seems to fit in with the Spock attitude.

Broots on the other hand is telling Parker what to try, handing her his bag of creepycrawlers delight, she does what anyone who knows her would expect. First she slaps the bag away from her, then yells, "Put that bag of dog food in my face one more time and you'll be whistling out your ass."

Yep. That's my Klingon Princess. Certainly not Princess Leah but she's all mine. Time to make my move. First I need to check that the make up is good, the wig is on and the costume is perfect. I go to the alien men's room. To meet the Blue band and men with red spots all over him. I don't remember that episode. It's time to make my appearance.

Just as I'm a few yards away a young boy grabs my arm, "Can I have my picture taken with you Worf?"

I smile and nod. His parents pose us and gratefully thank me. I turn behind me and the group has split up. I walk up to Broots and asked in Klingon where my princess was. Broots choked on his large pitcher of green drink.

"I'm sorry I don't know Klingon. I always meant to learn it, you know with them making the Bible in Klingon and all. My friend Bernie has all the learn Klingon tapes but since his accident with the electric toothbrush he can't seem to get his mouth to move to pronounce Klingon. What am I saying, we can't understand his English."

I frowned and hit my chest with my fist and told him he was a fool. Then looked for my warrior.  
Poor Broots I turned around to see him trying to talk to Doctor Crusher about Worf's bad attitude. He was in for a long night.

There she was, looking like she was about to declare war on the Federation. I eased up to her, well, eased as only you can in the Klingon boots. It's bad enough the fake leather creaks and snaps but the boots are heavy with this seven inch rubber spike sticking upward at the toe. I'm not sure what exactly the purpose of that is when Klingons are men of honor, somehow kicking with that seems a bit unfair. I catch myself. I'm starting to think like Broots talks. Is this where it comes from?

I stand behind Parker, close behind her. I decided to speak only in Klingonese tonight. It will add a bit more flavor to the evening, drive Parker crazy and further hide my identity.

I ask her if she is alone. She glares at me. I make a show of looking down her open neckline, open to nearly to her navel and ask if she is mated.

Parker stares, it is full of venom. She walks around me slowly, not once but twice. Then runs her hand over the ridges on my forehead. "I always heard that Klingons will mate with just about anything. Over there is a nice pole, knock yourself out."

I laugh, as loud as I can, as raucously as I can. I tell her that I love a woman with spirit that she is made for me, then I pull her to me firmly enough that she can't squirm away.

A small crowd is forming around us, apparently thinking that this is part of the entertainment. Parker is getting frustrated and by the look of the red on her cheeks, she was past being angry. She took her fist and tried the old undercut of the jaw. I was ready for her. Then she belted me with a fist in the mid section.

The crowd was getting larger, I could see Sydney/Mr. Spock coming up quickly to try and control his boss. She would have pulled her gun, however, there was no room for it in her outfit. Where as I had plenty of padding in my suit, she had very little. I could see the entire outline of her figure with no problem her entire anatomy was visible to me at this close range. I must have forgot to include the cloak. Opps.

I could tell she was cold or maybe it was that her adrenalin was skyrocketing.

Sydney stepped up behind her. "Miss Parker, it would be best not to draw untold attention to yourself."

"Look Spock, you don't have to understand Klingon to know a pick up line when you hear it. If you want the chance to get into the alien mind, here's your chance."

At that I simply picked her up and put her backwards over my shoulder so her face was in my chest, and walked through the packed room to the sound of loud applause and clapping. My "mate" was kicking the hell out of the back of my thighs with those damned spiked boots. At that point I was happy that she was as tall as she was or I would have talked like a tribble in heat for a week. That was one reason I knew better than allow her feet in front of me. Although I should have loosened her spikes to fall off her boots if she tried to use them as weapons.

I carried her as she continued screaming curse words in four languages, drawing more attention. I noticed all the cell phones with cameras where held high and pointed at us. I'll make sure to get a few copies off the internet to send to her later.

I can only imagine the stir back in the main room, I'm sure Broots is beside himself unless he got lucky with the doctor, and Sydney is probably stroking his chin wondering if this will work itself out.

I asked her if she'd like to mate outside, I know a good place in the woods. I got a very well placed kick. I had the forethought to grab her hands as she tried to use her mouth to pull off the rubber face mask. She really was a Klingon at heart.

It was time to see how my Klingon would react to a little more intimacy. We were in the smaller parking lot that was filled with limos. I knew of a small alcove between the wings of the building. I set her down and without giving her a moment to think, kissed her. I held her tightly against me so she couldn't kick upward and her hands were both in one of mine. My other hand held her around the middle with her back against the wall. I continued kissing her until she stopped fighting me.

"Damn it Jarod. That was some show you put on. I hope you're happy with yourself." Her voice was low, not low like in sexy, low like in I'd like to kill you slowly with a pair of tweezers.

"Ah, I went to so much work to surprise you. How did you know?"

"Everyone knows that Klingons do not have the phasers on stun. Atlhough it was a stunning performance. You'll have Freud going for months over this one."

I found it strange that she made no attempt to get away, or hurt me. She stood looking up at me, it was dark out but the light from a nearby street light reflected off her eyes. I leaned in for another kiss.

She pushed me back, "Did you really learn to speak Klingon for tonight?"

I nodded, watching for any quick move, like a Klingon, she has weapons nobody knows of until she hits you with one quick and deadly knockout.

"What really gave me away?" I couldn't help it, I worked hard to get one over on her.

"Jarod, you stood out like an elephant in a rabbit pen at Victoria's Secret. I knew you were following me and I knew you had something up your sleeve with this little charade tonight. Besides, a girl never forgets her first kiss."


End file.
